deathwish27 (deathwish27) wrote,
deathwish27
deathwish27

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What more do you want?!?!?!

What more can I possibly do to prove love? What kind of hell must I walk through before she notices that I loved her. What more? It hurts that she doubts me so much. I loved her with all I was. She said I played with her. I think she's stupid. She always bitched at me and complained that I doubted her. When really? She doubted me. There's nothing I can do to please the girl. She literally makes me want to die. I want to just slit my throat to prove to her that I loved her. To prove to her that I was not willing to live without her. I hate that she does this. I hate that she doubts.

It's ok though, Bekah will help me. She's my best friend. We understand eachother in more ways then anyone. because we dont share our pains, our views in this world like everyone else. They accuse me of being in love with her. The tell me to save her from God knows what. But she's just my best friend. We have a bond there. A strong one. Ali complains about that. She says I played with her. (I know I said that before) and it pisses me off beyond belief to know that she said that. Because I didnt. I ruined a perfect relationship for her. I broke up with Bekah for her. I lost a trust I will never have fully again for her. I'm tired of her bitching bitching and bitching. This is my anger. After tonight I'll regret writing it so harshly. But since this is me right now I'm saying it.

Fuck you if you dont believe me! You shouldnt bitch because you caused more pain on me! You wouldnt let the fucking cut you made heal. Everytime it tried to, you fucking pealed the scab making it go deeper and deeper! WHY COULDNT YOU FUCKING LET IT SCAR?!?!!?
Why...Why do you have to hurt me?!?!?!!?!? HURT ME BY LEAVING....YOU MAKE ME WANT TO FUCKING SLIT MY THROAT. MAKE ME NOT WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE. I'M DONE TRYING TO PLEASE YOU, I CAN NEVER PLEASE YOU. I SERIOUSLY DONT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME. ALL I WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO BE A FRIEND AS WELL AS A LOVER BUT IT WAS TO HARD FOR YOU. FUCK THIS SHIT, I'M DONE HAVE A FUCKING NICE LIFE. FALL IN LOVE WITH WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. THANK YOU FOR PLAYING WITH ME. I JUST WISH YOU THE BEST AND I PRAY AND HOPE THAT YOU NEVER COME ACROSS THE PAIN YOU CAUSED ME. EVER. FEEL FREE TO COME BACK TO MY LIFE WHENEVER YOU LIKE. BECAUSE LIKE I'VE SAID BEFORE. I'LL ALWAYS IN SOME WAY BE WAITING FOR YOU. UNLESS I SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FUCKING HEAD. GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Bekah, Amanda, Chrissy Jackie.....HELP ME!!! I've fallen...make me better. Help me up to my feet. I promise I'll learn how to walk again. Just help me. Manda I need you. You're all I got here in this hell hole the only physical body there. I can rest my head on your shoulder and cry. I can cry without feeling scared. I can cry without you judging me.
Bekah....you understand me. You always did. Our past haunts us because we were once one. But you're my friend and I know you'll be there when I call for you. Chrissy, My Liar. Help me. I should of listened to you. Listened to Amanda. I know...I just loved her so much. I still do. But since this isnt working out. I know this is me being bold but, Please, please help me. I love you all. And I give to you all what's left of me. Jackie, I ask the same of you. Help me. Please?! I beg you all....

GAWSH (That was for Lindsey, The Gawsh part I mean)

I cant do this anymore. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!
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